Cleaning the house is boring. Unless, perhaps, you have a bit of backstory and some anticipation of things to come. Suddenly, a simple to-do list becomes a lot more exciting …

* * *

> (Priority #1) Package and conceal the you-know-what and the who-knows-how, then deliver in tightly sealed parcel to neighbor’s trash bin when no one is looking. (Urgent! Don’t skip this step.)

> Suckle the floorboards, liberating them from errant particles dispersed by last night’s dirty dancing.

> Straighten and tighten the sheets on the master bed, restoring order and buoyancy to serve this evening’s pleasures.

> Freshen, fluff, and fold unmentionables and costumes, ready for next romantic adventure.

> Neglect filmy window panes; instead, install new black-out shades and draw velvet draperies to create luscious ambience.

> Swish and sanitize bowl and bidet, then infuse surrounding area with aromas of sandalwood and patchouli.

> Strategically place items from dishwasher on stable surfaces throughout the home, ready to fill and mark a passionate path of fruits, nectars, and warm lubricants.

* * *

I could have just said I was planning to take out the trash, vacuum, make the bed, fold laundry, wash windows, clean the bathroom, and unload the dishwasher.

But what fun would that be?

(Many thanks to my sister, Norma Colman, who collaborated on this list while we sipped wine long-distance, chatting and giggling via FaceTime.)